Sex Therapy in Berlin
✓ helps when you have differences in desire, different sexual wishes, sexual problems and much more
✓ ensures better communication, more intimacy, explores what is possible
✓ for sex education and practical tips
There is not just one way to love
Seldomly we marry the person with whom we have had the best sex of our life. For a marriage other qualities often times count more.
However, sexuality in long term relationships is a topic that more often than not can be problematic. Some have no desire any more, others want something else than their partner, or sex happened with someone else, or it simply doesn’t work that well any more.
There are many reasons for a sex therapy. Often times it is an integral part of a couples therapy as the reasons do not lie in physical defects, but in the couple dynamic.
A lack of communication or the lack of knowledge what good sex is, is very often the reason for the fact that such a fun thing is not fun in your relationship any more.
Good sex can be learned and many hope (and they may be right) that going to a sex therapist can help them get there.
Why do couples seek out a sex therapist?
different needs concerning the frequency of sex
lack of desire of one partner
lack of knowledge on how sex can be fun
lack of communication on sex
too much stress for sex
different preferences of sexual practices
I would like to emphasize one thing here: if sex doesn’t feel good, it doesn’t mean that there is something wrong with you. It is about finding the right way for both of you and that is a very individual matter and rarely one of something being wrong. Everything is okay as long as you don’t suffer from it. And if that is the case: let’s look for a way out.
The goal of sex therapy
The goal of sex counselling is not (only) to have more fun with sex or to have sex again to begin with, but also to achieve more closeness, connection and understanding for each other. The communication on that topic will be improved and both partners open up. A maybe shameful topic will become as normal as Small Talk, yet something very special.
The imagination and desire will be triggered and the relationship more relaxed, harmonious and simply better. A little bit like in the beginning when everything was still new. Can that goal be reached in every case? Let’s be realistic: no. Not always will there be ways to have a satisfying sex life with each other. But it is worth looking at. It is worth getting to know youself and your partner better as sexual beings.
Our sex life practically didn’t exist any more. With the help of Mrs. Fehst we have found the right steps into the right directly and slowly, but steadily we are getting closer again. Thank you!
She has opend our (and especially my) eyes for what we weren’t able to see for long. I can only recommend everyone to get a coaching with you as you cannot see your blind spots yourselves. Thanks!
Making an appointment with Birgit was the best idea me and my husband have had in years. She saved our marriage with her professional advice and ever since then hope has returned to our lives.
The course of a sex therapy
My focus is on the treatment of sexual problems within a couple dynamic, that is why I don’t see individuals. I will, however, see one or both partners individually in the course of the therapy.
In the first one and a half hour session, we get to the bottom of your challenges. At the same time, we also look at whether other couple issues may complicate sexuality and find solutions for them.
As a first step, we will facilitate communication about sex. If you cannot talk freely about your preferences, desires and problems in bed, you will never have a satisfying two-some. Communication is lubrication, so true ☺.
You will also get some homework to think about and to act on.
There is one last thing that is important to mention here: you will never have to say what you don’t want to say. If something is too early to talk about or simply too unpleasant, we will proceed in your speed and everything happens at the right time.
Three tips to improve your sex life
Talk about it. Tell your partner what you like and what you don’t like. And if you don’t know yourself (and that is the case pretty often)- be curious and explore your own sexuality first by yourself.
Solo-sex for experimentation is a good first step. Educate yourself, read books, watch movies and talk about it with friends.
Women get aroused later than men. While a man often times is already aroused while sitting next to her on the couch, it takes much longer for a women to get turned on.
Foreplay is important and every woman should know what her way to arousal looks like.
Seek variety. Play an erotic card game, experiment with locations, clothes, dirty talk, different practices, watch erotic films together, etc.
Nothing cools down desire as much as a long term relationship.
What is sex therapy?
As mentioned above, I do not work with individuals but only with couples with sexual problems. Either as a topic on its own or within the framework of a couples therapy.
The latter happens more often. In the following sessions, though, I often work with one or two partners in individual sessions.
What we always do is sex education. We all know how procreation works. All animals know that too. But that’s about it. The knowledge what GOOD sex is, is not innate. We have to learn that! Or did you know that men and women have different arousal curves and therefore do not get aroused the same way?
That in your mid 30s you might have to have a second source of arousal other than your partner (not necessarily a second partner, but a little fantasy or toy)?
That the function of the clit of women can be super different and what works on one woman can be counter productive on another? That there is a big difference between an orgasmic unloading and a wonderful orgasm?
Or that a immobile hip can lead to an erectile dysfunction and that there is help? In our trainings we learn about all that and are happy to pass on what we know.
Specific case study from my practice
Reasons for the lack of desire
In order to give you an idea on how a sex therapy can work, let me give you a typical example. Claire and Tom (names changed, of course) came into my office because Andrea did have any desire to have sex with him any more. Ever since the birth of their son 5 years ago any eroticism stopped. But even before that their sex life wasn’t really exciting. The focus on the child and and the little power they had left after a long work day didn’t do anything to make it better. I learned that Claire is not asexual but simply didn’t like the sex they had. However, she had no idea what she wanted instead. What she knew was one thing: she wanted to have fun in bed and she wanted to find out how that can work and how that can work with her husband. So I worked on two levels:
Couple dynamics & reflection
1. We looked at the couple dynamic in order to make it more harmonious again, to delete misunderstandings and to find new agreements that work. They had to turn towards one another emotionally again.
2. I also gave them recommendations for self-study on how to explore their sexuality; found out during the sessions what already worked and what needed improvement; and did individual sessions with Claire, where we found out how she managed to have BAD sex; and I showed her some physical exercises that helped her explore her own lust.
Establishing closeness & lust
One important factor was to go slow. To work on desire is nothing that works from one day to the other. Slowly but steadily they experienced more emotional closeness that also allowed physical approaches, and a few weeks after the first session they had sex again. The goal of having a fulfilling sex life had not been reached yet, but being with one another was already much more pleasant and the first touches felt really good. The new life together had begun...
I am looking forward to supporting you too, just give me a call or book a session online!