✓ how to recognize narcissists
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✓ why you'd better go
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✓ how individual therapy can help
Narcissistic Relationships
There is the very common belief that narcissists proudly admit being one. I have made the opposite experience. Often times narcissists even pretend that their partner suffer from this personality disorder and not themselves. So maybe you are reading these lines because you are one, but don’t know it, or because you are stuck in a relationship with a narcissist or still suffer from the consequences of a breakup from a manipulative partner.
How do you recognize a narcissist?
They are behaving in a very egoistic way, are ruthless, inconsiderate, manipulative, degrade other people, are not very empathetic, it’s always other people’s fault, they want to be admired and allow no contradictions. Not all narcissists of course fulfill all of those criteria and not all are equally destructive.
They can be very charismatic, especially in the beginning. But eventually there will be ups and downs, a “come here” and “go away”, a “you are wonderful” and “you are not worthy”, a switch between nice and degrading behavior. And this up and down will bring you very strong feelings, positive and negative ones. After a negative interaction you crave for a positive one and you get addicted to it. And this addiction can be one important factor for the fact that it is hard to break free from that person. And if you finally succeeded, he or she will remain in your thoughts for a very long time. Anger and a terrible longing feeling will linger. Some are not even able to have another relationship for a while.
More men than women are narcissists, but even among women there are many who manipulate and damage their partners. Unfortunately there are also many who suffered from a narcissistic parent and due to that have an insecure relationship style now.
Who are the people who fall for a narcissist?
Often times people who give them what they need; who are empathetic and caring; who worry about others more than about themselves; who admire them and don’t defend themselves against their degradations. Sometimes, though, they are narcissists themselves, and eventually get into a power struggle with them and the bigger narcissist wins. Some find in them old repetitive patterns of not being treated well. Sometimes they are people who want to shine in the light of the often times very charismatic personalities. Or simply people who have realized too late whom they have fallen for (a narcissist can show himself from his very best side for a while) and are already in the relationship knee deep.
In the long run it is hardly possible to become truly happy with an extreme narcissist. The better alternative is to look for a way out. If children are involved that can become a manipulative game which calls for support by an expert.
Individual therapy as a way of dealing with narcissists
Talking alone is often not enough to solve this relationship issue. A lot of awareness work has to be done on the topic of narcissism and the injuries have to be healed with a lot of skill and understanding. In individual therapy in my practice, I will help you either detach from a narcissistic relationship or recover from an ex-relationship so that it doesn't happen to you again and you can move on to something new (to someone who truly deserves you).