Are you familiar with this situation like many of us: the dishwasher is loaded incorrectly, your siginificant other didn't listen to you properly or her/his tone of voice was disastrous? In many situations you react in a flash with a fierce action and an argument breaks out. Over trivial things and even things that you may not remember afterwards.
If frequent quarrels and conflicts are your main problem, feel free to stay on this page. I will help you to quickly break through your argument dynamics and find your way to a more constructive communication. If you are dealing with an affair I will help you to regain trust and to raise your relationship to a new level.
If issues with your sexuality is your main concern, feel free to look directly at the sex therapy page. I will be happy to support you in exploring how you can regain a fulfilling sex life.
Help through couples therapy
Couples therapist Birgit Fehst gives insights into couples therapy at
Deutsche Welle (shortened TV report)
Good reasons for couples therapy
Bad / little sex
Not feeling seen
Lack of communication
Little understanding for one another
Lack of trust
The list of reasons for couples therapy is far from complete, but it does give a first idea of what most couples are struggling with. I think you recognize yourself on one point or another. "The quality of your life is only as good as the quality of your relationship," says Esther Perel , one of the greats in international couples therapy.
Many therefore not only have relationship problems, but also suffer from concentration disorders, psychosomatic symptoms, fears or depression as a result. Lovesickness is to be taken seriously and can really make your whole life difficult. Act now and not when it's too late. You're interested in couples therapy? Get in touch to learn more!
The course and length of couples therapy
You make an appointment online , write me using the contact form, send me an email or give me a call. I will get back to you by phone or email and we will arrange an initial appointment of 60 or 90 minutes. If you are interested in a remote couples therapy session please have a look at the couples therapy online page.
I don't do free trial sessions. However, if you/we notice during the first half an hour of the first meeting that a collaboration is not right, you can cancel without any ifs or buts free of charge.
There is no minimum or maximum number of appointments. You decide how often and for how long you want to come.
Most come between four and ten times. But there are also couples who only seek advice once or twice because they only need one impulse. And there are couples who keep coming back over the years to keep up with the ball.
You also have the opportunity to book a session of 120 or 180 minutes or even a full power day in Berlin! I have clients from all over Germany and also from abroad who happily take advantage of this opportunity. You can find more information about an intensive day in Berlin here.
What is in it for you?
As described above, a couples therapy in Berlin can help you not only to improve your relationship, but also your overall quality of life. But why do you need outside help at all and just can't get it back on your own? You are not mentally ill!
True, the term “therapy” is misleading, because it is purely about the cooperation between the two of you, not about disorders of disease value. We are more like “couple teachers” or “couple counselors”; Coach or trainer would also be appropriate. We, too, first had to learn how relationships work. And we pass this knowledge on.
Many conflicts and dynamics repeat themselves over and over again. So they are in human nature. The couple therapy experts have got to the bottom of these conflicts and have developed methods of how they can be broken up.
So you get tools with which you can work at home every day. And you get tools to understand each other better. They are both individuals with different personality styles, different views, needs and values.
If you are really ready to fully understand and accept the other, it will be much easier for both of you to find solutions to your issues. Because according to John Gottman there are not simply “yes / no” solutions for 69% of conflicts, but they are based on precisely these different views or needs. And how you can deal with it more harmoniously, I'll show you in my practice.
For two years we were in the dark with our relationship problems until Mrs. Fehst practically simply switched on the light. I fell in love with my own wife all over again." (Sven H.)
How much does couples therapy cost?
Couples therapy 60 minutes: 180 €
Couples therapy 90 minutes: 270 €
Intensive couples therapy day 8 hours: 1250 €
The costs for a couples therapy in my practice in Berlin always include the preparation and follow-up as of a session.You can pay cash or with a debit or credit card at the end of each session. Please note that you can cancel any time up to 48 hours prior to the appointment (incl. first sessions). After that I will have to charge a fee of 150 Euros, as I cannot fill the gap at such short notice. If you cancel on the same day, the entire sum will be charged. Thank you for your understanding!
You can also book several appointments with an interval of 2 weeks in order to avoid any waiting times between the sessions. That might make sense if you want to make sure that you can come on a regular basis.
Unfortunately, public health insurances do not cover the cost of couples therapy. Private health insurance companies partially cover individual sessions. However, there is the option to claim the invoices for tax purposes.
A big German pop star from the 80s called Nena once sang "Love is made out of courage" and she was right.
If you've decided to do couples therapy, that's what we're going to do: speak the truth, courageously with no beating around the bush. I follow the direct approach without a cuddle course.
Scientifically sound and yet with a lot of understanding for all "human abysses".
I work with the tools of John Gottman, David Schnarch, Esther Perel, Ulrich Clement, Sexocorporel, the findings of modern brain research and many other approaches.
Ultimately, my many years of experience as a couples therapist in Berlin showed me what works and what doesn't. There is not only one way to live and love. People are diverse and so are their needs and concerns.
My name is Birgit Fehst, I am 53 years old, have a beautiful practice for couples therapy in Berlin Charlottenburg and I am looking forward to working with you soon!
Couples therapy step by step
This process is not set in stone, but rather shows typical approaches. Every couple comes with their own unique set of challenges, so yours may look very different. Also attached are some tips on methods for those who would like to know which tools I use, among other things.
What's wrong in the relationship?
We analyze what exactly you are dealing with over and over again and define your goals. What exactly would you like to change? What do you want instead?
Here I often work with the questionnaire and the tools by John Gottman. He has analyzed thousands of couples in his love lab and is able to make a prognosis of 94% accuracy about the course of the relationship. But even a negative prognosis doesn’t mean that you cannot make it. You have already become active and are ready for a change.
However, that change should indeed be initiated soon...
Interruption of couple dynamics
If frequent fights are in the center of attention, I’ll show you right in the first session how to get out of there. If sexuality is your topic, I’ll show you ways for getting the sex you want.. And if an affair threatens the relationship, I’ll show you how you can find your way back together.
Modern neuroscience has answers on how to get out of the traps couples fall into real quick. The methods of emotions focused couples therapy have a wonderful explanation for couple dynamics and how to turn them around. As a certified systemic sex therapist I use the knowledge of the systemic society and Sexocorporel. And regarding affairs I have learnt a lot from Esther Perel and David Schnarch.
From negative to positive
To simply disrupt a dysfunctional couple dynamic is not enough. We need to find the source of the negativity. What triggers you? Or what was the real reason for the infidelity? The interaction between you two cannot get better if you have a constant underlying feeling of resentment; no matter which tools you use. Not matter which tools you use. The negativity has to go. But- just to eliminate the negative, again, isn’t what makes you happy. You have to rebuild your emotional bank account. I’ll show you how to do that without falling back into old patterns.
In order to gain a better understanding for each other, I use various personality profiling models and again the findings of John Gottman.
couples therapy in Berlin
1- In which languages do you offer couples therapy? In german and english
2- When does couples therapy make sense? When you cannot solve your relationship problems yourself anymore
3- How high is the success rate? The chances are pretty good if both partners really want it and are willing to invest time and energy.
4- How long does couples therapy take? It depends on your problem. Many couples come 4-8 times. More or less is always possible.
5- How does couples therapy work? We make an appointment (for online or in my office) and make an individual plan during the first session.
6- How much does couples therapy cost? A couples therapy session of 60 minutes costs 180 €. An individual therapy session costs 160€.
7- Is couples therapy covered by public health insurance? Unfortunately the costs for couples therapy are not covered by public health insurance.